By Archbishop Alfred C. Hughes, Clarion Herald Column, New Orleans Archdiocese, Jun 28, 2007

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the heroic Lutheran theologian and pastor who gave his life in opposition to Hitler and his immoral regime, wrote from his Nazi prison cell to a young bride and groom in 1943: “Your love is your own private possession. But marriage is more than something personal – it is a status, an office… it is not your love that sustains marriage, but from now on, the marriage sustains your love.”

Bonhoeffer touched on a profound truth that needs to be publicly restated today as we experience how troubled the institution of marriage is.

- How disturbing to recognize the number of young adults who settle for uncommitted sexual relationships!
- How unsettling to realize the increasing number of single mothers struggling desperately to offer the emotional, economic and moral support their children need.
- How sad that young men are more and more accepting society’s message that fathers are not really necessary.

Couples have to make some fundamental decisions in order for their marriage and family to remain happy and intact.

- During courtship, they have to choose between erotic love and respectful romance.
- In preparation for their wedding, they have to choose between premarital sexual activity and a self-disciplined commitment to each other in engagement.
- In living out their marriage, they have to choose between conditioned love and faithful love, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, until death do them part.
- They also have to choose between excluding or merely tolerating children on the one hand, and truly welcoming children into their lives on the other.

Two lines in recent Church statements express a thought-provoking truth. The first is: “The future of the world and of the Church passes through the family…” The second is: “The family is placed at the great struggle between good and evil, between life and death, between love and all that is opposed to love.”

Marriage and family are at the center of this great struggle. Have you ever adverted to the truth that man, woman and Satan are portrayed in Sacred Scripture as intimately involved in the three most dramatic moments of Divine Intervention in human history: creation, redemption and the consummation of the world?

Shortly after creation, man and woman allowed themselves to be seduced by Satan, rejected God and introduced rebellion, violence, dissention, sin and death into the world. At the redemption, Christ, the new Adam, and Mary, the new Eve, resisted the seductions of Satan and restored, in principle, the right relationship between man and woman. At the consummation of the world, the Book of Revelation prophecies that there will be an eternal wedding banquet for Christ the Bridegroom and the saved, his bride, as Satan is forever vanquished.

Yes, “the family is placed at the great struggle between good and evil, between life and death, between love and all that is opposed to love.”

Two of the most common reasons couples give for long-term fruitful marital life are commitment and companionship. This commitment must not only be to each other, but to the very institution of marriage. Companionship must weather the joys and sorrows of life. This takes hard work and dedication to each other and to the reality of marriage itself. Happy and lasting marriages require building “multiple marriages” through common life-changing experiences by adjusting to new situations and deepening the commitment already made.

A positive commitment to good communication, realistic expectations and shared attitudes regarding the important issues and beliefs in life undergird fidelity to this commitment. Sustaining a marriage over a lifetime means cultivating and blending gifts of nature and grace. It requires maturity, vision, virtue and communion with one another in the Lord.

The Church teaches that marriage provides the road to holiness of life. Shared prayer, participation in the Eucharist, regular approach to the sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation and active engagement in maturing in faith open a couple to God’s grace on the road to holiness.

In God’s plan, the most important assist to heaven for married couples is their spouse. God grant that couples help one another in realizing this great goal.