Humor: Twelve Days of Christmas for a Family Man on a Budget, by Randall Smith

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December 29, 2020
Massachusetts Legislature Passes Bill Legalizing Killing Babies in Abortions Up to Birth, by Micaiah Bilger
December 30, 2020

*Image: May all jollity “Lighten” your Christmas hours. by an anonymous Victorian Era artist, c. 1870-1900 [Lilly Library at Indiana University, Bloomington, IN)

By Randall Smith, The Catholic Thing, Dec. 30, 2020

Randall B. Smith is a Professor of Theology at the University of St. Thomas. His book Reading the Sermons of Thomas Aquinas: A Guidebook for Beginners is available from Emmaus Press. his latest book, Aquinas, Bonaventure, and the Scholastic Culture of Medieval Paris: Preaching, Prologues, and Biblical Commentary was published in 2019 by Cambridge University Press.

Randall SmithAfter many years of suffering from the absurdity of the “Twelve Days of Christmas,” I’ve decided, that the song needs some new lyrics.  No one can afford all that ridiculous stuff: golden rings, maids a-milking, lords a-leaping. I have decided to replace those lyrics with things a family man on a budget could actually afford.

Here, for example, is how it starts.  (Use the same tune.)

[Verse 1]

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A parsnip and some pear tea.

See? Totally affordable.  It may not be great, but (a) it’s something, and (b) there’s no messy bird to clean up after.  Eminently practical and not entirely unthoughtful. Besides, it gets better.   …

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