Humor: Which Of These 8 Types Of Virtual Churchgoers Are You? by Mollie Hemingway

With churches nationwide shut down by government orders, pastors are leading congregations in virtual worship on Facebook Live, YouTube, Zoom, and other platforms. Tens of millions of Americans go to church weekly, according to surveys.

People who regularly would attend in person are now learning how to do it from home. But just as there are distinct types of people for in-person worship, there are distinct types of worshipers online. Which one are you?

Somehow Still Rolling In Late

Before the coronavirus hit, you were the family that attended church regularly but no matter how hard you tried, you were never on time. All h-e-double-hockey-sticks breaks loose in your home on Sunday mornings, with everything conspiring to keep you late. The chaos and stress of trying to get out of the house on time means that you’re fighting in the car as you careen into the parking lot of the sanctuary.

Somehow, virtual church has changed none of this dynamic. You’re still running around getting ready and the family isn’t seated until the end of the opening hymn. Several members are fighting as they leap over the sofa to grab a final seat. ….