Angry Al Gore’s Unhinged Oratorio, by Douglas Andrews

We’ve long envied those coastal elites, and now we have yet another reason: boiling oceans. Just imagine how easy it must be to make tea or spaghetti. Imagine an endless supply of ready-to-eat lobster right there on the beach.

Who needs a gas range, anyway?

And so, our heartfelt thanks are due to Al Gore for once again jetting off to the mean streets of Switzerland, for fending off the masseuses and the high-priced hookers, for telling us the Inconvenient Truths, and for opening our eyes to the promise of sizzling seas.

“People are familiar with that thin blue line that the astronauts bring back in their pictures from space,” he began over there in Davos, next to the world’s largest parking lot of private jets. “That’s the part of the atmosphere that has oxygen, the troposphere, and it’s only five to seven kilometers thick. That’s what we’re using as an open sewer.”

Indeed, nothing beats writing one’s name in the snow up there in the troposphere.

The great man continued: “We’re still putting 162 million tons [of greenhouse gas] into it every single day, and the accumulated amount is now trapping as much extra heat as would be released by 600,000 Hiroshima-class atomic bombs exploding every single day on the earth.”  ….